It started with a headache. A headache that lasted 4 days.
A headache that no medication, coffee, hot shower, cold shower, nor amount of sleep could subdue. I called my doctor, I’ve had headaches before and this was no cause for concern, he said. And then, in the middle of the night… it popped.
As sudden as the headache had come it was gone, and I felt or heard, a “pop” in my head that woke me from my sleep, followed by a warm sensation rushing through my brain. A friend had recently lost her mother to a brain aneurysm and I thought “This is it,” as I shook my husband awake and frantically called 911.
I sat on the carpet in our hallway, rocking back and forth while clutching my knees as I waited for the ambulance, and distantly heard the dispatcher’s voice in my ear, as I asked my husband to turn on his video camera.
I heard my daughter crying in her crib as I repeated over and over “She will never remember me,” and began a dialogue in to my husband’s phone that I prayed she would never have to hear.
“Hi baby, I’m your mama. And I love you so very very much.”
And that was the night my life changed.
Not because the next 2 years would be consumed by health struggles and hurdles, because although those changed my body, it was my mind that was changed that night.
The way I thought about life, and the way I had been living it, would never be the same.
It’s hard to explain motherhood to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but the best way I have heard it described is that a piece of your heart walks outside of your body once your child is born. And as the paramedics arrived that night and began their work, I realized that if those were to be my final moments, the tiny piece of my soul that was crying out my name from the next room would never have a chance to know me. In fact, she wouldn’t even remember me. All she would have is what I left behind; pictures, written notes, and most importantly, the stories people told her of me.
And I asked myself on that ride to the hospital, what would those stories be?
And I didn’t like the answer.
So I made the decision to change it.
As a mother, as a parent, as someone who walks this earth and interacts with others, I ask you to ask yourself, what will be said about you when you are gone?
Are you kind? Are you gentle? Are you giving? Are you loving? I am.
Now.
You don’t have to be proud of who you were to be proud of who you are now. It takes a matter of seconds to change. The power of replacing one negative thought or comment with a positive one is life altering. The power of surrounding yourself with people and circumstances that bring out the best in you is unimaginable. Take a look at your daily life and interactions, and if changes need to be made, make them. It is as simple as you allow it to be.
A friend came to visit me recently and after several hours she turned to me and said “You haven’t said a single bad word about anyone this entire time.” It caught me off guard. My first reaction was “Well, of course not, why would I?” But then I remembered, Oh… because I might have before. It is so easy to be a “mean girl,” to join in on the discussion and disassembly of another person for the sake of “conversation” and gossip. But I can honestly tell you, it is even easier to be a “nice girl.” In fact, once you stop talking about “people” you realize how enjoyable real conversations actually are. Ideas, ideals, places, beliefs…
I’m not trying to preach; I am an imperfect person, living an imperfect life and simply trying to leave behind the best legacy I can. And I think you should too. Because every day isn’t certain… and all I can say is I am thankful I was given another opportunity, and maybe part of the reason for that opportunity is to spread this message.
Live. Put your phone down. Talk to the person in front of you. Hold the door for people. Smile if someone catches your eye. Say thank you. Say please. Give hugs. Compliment people. Compliment yourself. Love yourself. No one will remember what size the pants are you are wearing but they will remember the way you walked in them. So walk softly. Speak boldly. Love gently. Laugh loudly. Call someone if they cross your mind. Allow yourself to be happy for others, and most importantly allow yourself to be happy for yourself, through every stage and step of your life. Be happy. Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be perfect.
What do I want people to tell my daughter about me? That I smiled. That I laughed. And most importantly, that I loved. That I loved every single second of every second I was given.
And I hope someone will say the same about you as well.
Great way to look at life! What caused your headache and the pop?
That’s what I am wondering too. I had a "pop" on the top my foot a while back. It took forever to heal. Was it a blood clot? Wondering if I made a mistake by not seeing a doctor and being checked…
Also interested! A friend had this happened and they thought it was a pineal cyst.
I also went through a similar situation…….I had a hemorrhagic stroke on the left side of my brain one morning AFTER dropping my 10 year old off to school and having my 3 year old still asleep and my husband, thankfully, had the day off. I remember 90% of everything that happened with occational "black outs" or "fade outs". I was Alert, but non-responsive. The only pain I had was a prolonged tension headaches that was lasting days before, off and on. 8 hours is how long I was "out of it" before I started "coming back to myself". I had 3 young adult children, 1 elementary school child and 1 preschooler at the time. I remember NOT remembering that I had my 3 adult children and vagly remembering my 2 youngest while in "stroke mode". I didn’t know my husband but knew enough that he was someone I was supposed to know. I can honestly say that I felt no pain (except a slight headache) and fought myself from allowing myself to slip into a sleep and to "fight" for my alertness. I didn’t even know who I was.My husband said I kept saying over and over, "I have to fight through this! I have to do it myself! I have to find Danielle"…..(That’s me)
Thankfully after being in the hospital for a week and having tests, my bleeding stopped all by itself.
So yes, it is a life changer and I talk to God/Jesus EVERY DAY like he’s right here hanging out with me!
I also went through a similar situation…….I had a hemorrhagic stroke on the left side of my brain one morning AFTER dropping my 10 year old off to school and having my 3 year old still asleep and my husband, thankfully, had the day off. I remember 90% of everything that happened with occational "black outs" or "fade outs". I was Alert, but non-responsive. The only pain I had was a prolonged tension headaches that was lasting days before, off and on. 8 hours is how long I was "out of it" before I started "coming back to myself". I had 3 young adult children, 1 elementary school child and 1 preschooler at the time. I remember NOT remembering that I had my 3 adult children and vagly remembering my 2 youngest while in "stroke mode". I didn’t know my husband but knew enough that he was someone I was supposed to know. I can honestly say that I felt no pain (except a slight headache) and fought myself from allowing myself to slip into a sleep and to "fight" for my alertness. I didn’t even know who I was.My husband said I kept saying over and over, "I have to fight through this! I have to do it myself! I have to find Danielle"…..(That’s me)
Thankfully after being in the hospital for a week and having tests, my bleeding stopped all by itself.
So yes, it is a life changer and I talk to God/Jesus EVERY DAY like he’s right here hanging out with me!
Yes! I had a major health scare in 2015, and as they were wheeling me off into surgery all I kept saying was make sure she (my daughter) remembers me, because I knew that if I didn’t make it her memories of me wouldn’t last (she was three at the time). Since then I’ve tried to be more mindful, more present, more loving, but your article is a wonderful reminder of why I need to keep being the mother I am. Thank you.
Yes! I had a major health scare in 2015, and as they were wheeling me off into surgery all I kept saying was make sure she (my daughter) remembers me, because I knew that if I didn’t make it her memories of me wouldn’t last (she was three at the time). Since then I’ve tried to be more mindful, more present, more loving, but your article is a wonderful reminder of why I need to keep being the mother I am. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself. It was very inspiring. Looking forward to getting to know you through your blog.
Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself. It was very inspiring. Looking forward to getting to know you through your blog.
This is wonderful, Heather. Brought me to tears. So grateful for who you have chosen to become, and I am inspired to do the same!
This is wonderful, Heather. Brought me to tears. So grateful for who you have chosen to become, and I am inspired to do the same!
Beautiful words….from what has to be a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful words….from what has to be a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing.
This whole article moved me so deeply! Thank you so much for sharing! This one paragraph really got to me, "You don’t have to be proud of who you were to be proud of who you are now. It takes a matter of seconds to change. The power of replacing one negative thought or comment with a positive one is life altering. The power of surrounding yourself with people and circumstances that bring out the best in you is unimaginable. Take a look at your daily life and interactions, and if changes need to be made, make them. It is as simple as you allow it to be." THANK YOU!
This whole article moved me so deeply! Thank you so much for sharing! This one paragraph really got to me, "You don’t have to be proud of who you were to be proud of who you are now. It takes a matter of seconds to change. The power of replacing one negative thought or comment with a positive one is life altering. The power of surrounding yourself with people and circumstances that bring out the best in you is unimaginable. Take a look at your daily life and interactions, and if changes need to be made, make them. It is as simple as you allow it to be." THANK YOU!
This is very touching! My favorite quote is this one: "The power of surrounding yourself with people and circumstances that bring out the best in you is unimaginable."
Having a daughter that has struggled tremendously over the past 3 years has also changed my outlook in life. It has not made me bitter, it just became clearer that everything in life can change in an instant, nothing is promised. Therefore I am unbelievably grateful for all the good people that make my life richer and I thank at least one of those people every day in my online gratitude postings!
This is very touching! My favorite quote is this one: "The power of surrounding yourself with people and circumstances that bring out the best in you is unimaginable."
Having a daughter that has struggled tremendously over the past 3 years has also changed my outlook in life. It has not made me bitter, it just became clearer that everything in life can change in an instant, nothing is promised. Therefore I am unbelievably grateful for all the good people that make my life richer and I thank at least one of those people every day in my online gratitude postings!
4 years ago today my husband found me drowning in the bathtub from a ruptured brain aneurysm on my cartiod artery behind my right eye. The next day is his birthday and the day "the family is called in". I was "off the grid" for 36 days. I had to have major craniotomy in a city far from my hometown. I had a miraculous recovery in a short amount of time but I still deal with the days I lost. Thank you for this beautiful post and reminder. I do need to change my thinking. If you would like to read my story it’s at http://www.tinahare.org
4 years ago today my husband found me drowning in the bathtub from a ruptured brain aneurysm on my cartiod artery behind my right eye. The next day is his birthday and the day "the family is called in". I was "off the grid" for 36 days. I had to have major craniotomy in a city far from my hometown. I had a miraculous recovery in a short amount of time but I still deal with the days I lost. Thank you for this beautiful post and reminder. I do need to change my thinking. If you would like to read my story it’s at http://www.tinahare.org
Hi! For some reason the site won’t let me log in so I’m having to log in as a guest. My name is Laura. This was a beautiful read that I truly needed to hear! My two favorite quotes that you said are, "Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be perfect." As well as, "That I loved every single second of every second I was given." Really hit me hard. Thank you so much for sharing this💗
Hi! For some reason the site won’t let me log in so I’m having to log in as a guest. My name is Laura. This was a beautiful read that I truly needed to hear! My two favorite quotes that you said are, "Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be perfect." As well as, "That I loved every single second of every second I was given." Really hit me hard. Thank you so much for sharing this💗
This is an amazing story, Heather! And so are you! I love your quotes,I try each day to be positive, even when it’s hard, I even talk to myself aloud to motive me! Lol! I am forever grateful to you, for saving my cousin Jake.
You are such an inspiration & so glad someone notice it too. Now u can help others too!
This is an amazing story, Heather! And so are you! I love your quotes,I try each day to be positive, even when it’s hard, I even talk to myself aloud to motive me! Lol! I am forever grateful to you, for saving my cousin Jake.
You are such an inspiration & so glad someone notice it too. Now u can help others too!
Thank you for sharing your story! I always say that I can find a positive in ANY situation or circumstance IF I want to. It has taking me years to retrain my thinking. I have the choice to be positive or negative, to lift someone up or pull them down, to be kind or mean, to enjoy life or to be miserable, to be honest or to lie, to smile or frown, to help someone or to hurt someone. I have the choice to be the BEST ME or the WORST ME. Today I choose the POSITIVE and when I do that I am the BEST ME! Now, in saying that, I am not perfect and I make mistakes. However, today I choose to learn from them and look forward!!
Thank you for your story. My son has had poos in his head and the warmth after. He has had this for several years. I would like to know what it is. Did they find answers for you?
Thank you for your story. My son has had poos in his head and the warmth after. He has had this for several years. I would like to know what it is. Did they find answers for you?
I loved reading your blog! I had two strokes last year (one was hemorrhagic) and I bet our experiences were similar. My daughter was 3 at the time. I struggle every day but am thankful for each and every breath I take. Thank you for sharing!
I loved reading your blog! I had two strokes last year (one was hemorrhagic) and I bet our experiences were similar. My daughter was 3 at the time. I struggle every day but am thankful for each and every breath I take. Thank you for sharing!